Wednesday, August 14

Choose the Wedding by Madeline L' Engle

Norma is an old Indian friend of  David Wheaton, the aged father of Emma Wheaton. Abby is one of David's ex-wives and Emma's godmother. She and David have remained friends in spite of their divorce. Sophie, another ex-wife, is present. She too has come to visit David before he dies. Nik, Emma's husband, is included in the conversation.

"We're at a crossroads," Sophie said softly, "and we must be careful which road we choose. I haven't always been careful."

Emma gasped, putting a hand to her mouth. At a crossroads. Surely a common expression, but it brought back uncommon memories. She looked around the table. "Do you remember Norma?"

"Sure," Sophie said. "That magnificent Indian woman. Has Davie seen her this summer?"

"Yes," Emma assured her. We stopped at Norma's village, and she and Papa had a good visit."

"Oh, I'm so glad. Norma's always been good for Davie. She's a tough old bird. No Indian's life is easy, thanks to us, I guess."

 Abby looked her godchild. "Is there something about Norma and a crossroads?"

Emma nodded gravely. "When Norma was young, she had a terrible time--she nearly died. I spent several days with her after--after a very bad time in my own life. Norma told me that when she was well and able to think again, the wise woman of her tribe told her that she was at a crossroads."

Sophie looked across the table inquiringly.

Emma smiled at Sophie. "The wise old woman said that one road led to a funeral and the other to a wedding. Norma said, 'I choose the wedding.'"

There were tears in Sophie's eyes. "Davie has always chosen the wedding. He's choosing it even now."

"You can say that, Sophie, after seeing Papa's depressions?" Emma asked.

"Davie's depressions weren't the real Davie. I know that now." She looked around the table. "Yes, we are all at a crossroads." She looked at Emma. At Nik.

"I have usually chosen the funeral," he said, "and this has been disaster for everybody I have loved. I can't blame it on the fact that my parents always chose the funeral. I made my own choices."

"And now?" Abby asked.

"I choose the wedding. No matter what" --he looked at Emma-- "I will still choose the wedding. I've had too many funerals."

"But when Papa dies" --Louis's vocie was choked-- "how can we choose the wedding?"

Sophie laughed. "By giving him an enormous great grand funeral at the Cathedral, a real show for all his family and friends and fans. And by going on living, living better because we've been part of his life than if we'd never known him."

~from Madeline L' Engle's book "Glimpses of Grace: Daily Thoughts and Reflections"

On the occasion of Granny Goo's stay at the hospital August 2013. She has congestive heart failure, and at this point, her kidneys are not working. No matter what may come, we must choose the wedding as individuals and as a family.

Thursday, August 1

Kicking My Own Butt; or Everything Old is New Again

While I was moving, I came across an undated printout of some writing I did. It's printed on the old paper with holes and perforations up the sides!!! By my best guess, I must have written it, oh... twenty years ago-ish. It was a list of things I wanted to remember. The astonishing and humbling thing is how much it applies to my life today. I wonder if I have ever grown at all... 

I want to remember that there are a lot of things that don't matter to God. His will is actually a very freeing place to be, not a place that I have to worry and ponder over. I need to remember that to do the task that He has put me to at this very moment is His will for my life, not some far-off call that I can't reach now. He'll get me there in His time. I also need to remember that if God wants to direct me to a new task, He's big enough to get my attention and see to it that I get there. I want to remember that I need to act how God would have me, regardless of other people or circumstances that would tempt me to do otherwise. I need to remember not to let fear be a motivation for anything I do--when I act out of fear, the result is almost always destructive and leads to the situation being less God's and more Fear's. I need to remember that for me, there is but one law: Love God with my whole heart, mind, and strength and to love my neighbor as myself. I want to remember and treasure the fact that God loves me and blesses me apart from any bad or good that I've done. That this is love: that while I was a sinner, Christ died for me. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven. I want to remember the delicious humiliation of the fact that all I can do with God's mercy, love and blessing is to say "thank You." I can in no way repay Him and that's the way He likes it. I need to remember the meaning of "take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

Most of all, I want to remember that God is God and that I am me and that is good. I love You, Lord.

"I'm at the door of the place I started out from, and I want back inside..." ~Bono

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